it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
