my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
