I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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