Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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