she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
