when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
