1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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