i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
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I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
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The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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