My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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