Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
