Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Houston, we have a blender
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
