this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
