you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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