There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
