his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
