I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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