So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
