Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
In other news, I just burned my penis
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
