My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
