I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
