just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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