i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
