FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
