Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Welp...herpes.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
