were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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