just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
