Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
