Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
