Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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