worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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