Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My penis needs a shock collar
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
