see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I wish I only lived at night.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
