When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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