Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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