I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You took a bar mat shot.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
