I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
