cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
