I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
