I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
