I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
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It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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