I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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