The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
