Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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