The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
