I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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