if you like me you must not know who I am
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
