Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
