Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
