in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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