Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
