I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
