Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
