cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
