you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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