Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
