My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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