white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
