I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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