After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
