I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
