im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
