I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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