sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You are the jesus of drinking
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
